Wednesday, December 20, 2006
i dun get you.
u hurle abuse at me openly, said i was a BITCH,
said u HATE me openly in ur goddamned blog,
and den now.
something happen between u and tan.
and den u come talk to mi in msn,
like we nv quarreled b4.
first ting u asked if i told tan tt bcus u go band den i dun wan go .
hello.?
i haf other reasons for nt going.
nt mainly cus of u.
but yes.
minor part is cus of u.
how do u want mi to react to ur tis kind of suddenness?
shld i react like nth happened,
u didnt hurl all those abuse at mi in the past,
forgive n forget like wat i usually did in the past,
and tok to u lik nothing happened?
im sorry.
i cant do tt.
nt aft all the hurt u inflicted on me.
sorry,
i dont want to be the soft xinyi u cld use last time anymore.
no.
i had enuf.
den u proceeded on to say tt tan told yongqiang n melvin tt i said tt bcus of u im avoiding band.
and u told mi nt to tell tan nx time watever happen between us.
oh so u mean there will b a nx time lah?
and wat,
u tink if i nv tell tan, he will nv find out?
u scolded mi so openly in ur blog,
anyone reading it will find out,
if i dun tell him ,
other pple will.
and you said tt by telling tan,
den he dnno some things
den everything he blame you.
some things which were nt facts, he also blame u.
u dun like tt feeling dont u ?
den did u even think abt tt when YOU accused me and tan the other time,
for things tt didnt even take place, that wasnt the truth ?
did u ?
no u didnt.
u just said on and on abt wat YOU tot was true.
u just assumed all the way.
nv even bothered to fnd out the truth and started accusing this n tt.
and now ppl doing tis to u,
u don lik the feeling right?
glad u noe tis.
and.
u say tan now finding way to sack u.
u say tan nw treating u as enemy,
and u r treating him the same way too.
did u ever sit and think,
the reasons for all these?
did you?
maybe you did,
maybe u didnt.
i dont noe.
and i dun wan to assume anything here in case i get accused of anything again.
and maybe if you
DID sit and think thoroughly of what happened, why, what, how.
maybe u will find ur answer,
and yet mayb u wont.
cus everyone's thinking is different.
human is very weird and standard.
they will always think tt they r right in a way,
even if in fact they r wrong.
im nt saying tt u r wrong.
im in no position to say that.
im in no position to say ANYTHING.
u want to continue thinking whatever way ,
please.
go ahead.
no one can stop or change ur mindset.
and.
im sorry i cant treat it like nothing happened.
tt was the biggest hurt any of my frens inflicted on me.
yes. u were the
lucky one to do tat.
congratulations.
i was so afraid when i saw ur msg box blinking.
i tot i was seeing things.
i tot u were going to start hurling abuse at me again.
and den,
as i continued to talk to u,
i realized i dont noe how to reply u at all.
cus the bottom line was,
'tan say bcus of me u dun go band'SO.wat do u want mi to do ?
call him and tell him in detail,
tt you are NOT the reason im nt going band?
ask him to apologise to u?
or u want mi to apologise to u for him ?
im so scared of u now,
u r lik some unpredictable storm,
being friends with you is so scary n tiring,
i never noe when u might do wat,
nv noe when u might get offended at things i say,
nv noe when u might get moody,
i haf to be careful of my speech when i wan to say somthing.
u are like
a different person. and im so sick n tired of apologising to u first whenever things go wrong between us. always apologising first even though im obviously nt at fault.
sick n tired of giving in to u always.
this friendship of ours feels so fragile,
it feels lik it can break anytime.
i asked you,
so wat do u see mi as , ur enemy too ?
u said no, if tt was true, u wun b toking to me now.
and i wun b as bad as tan to talk bad abt u.
well,
thank you for thinking tt of me.
how do u want mi to reply to tat?
im relly sorry.
i dont noe how to react to ur words.
cus im afraid.
afraid of being friends with you.
i dont hate you.
im just
afraid.
its so tiring.
sorry,
im not the me u can manipulate lik last time anymore.
well,
at least there is one good thing out of tt conversation,
at least i noe tt u dun hate me anymore,
i guess.
im gonna haf a sleepless nite tonight.
and to peisean:
sorry if i always made you listen to me complaining abt him .
guess u r sick n tired of it n cant b bothered with me already, listening to ur tone jus now.
well,
cant b blamed.
having boyfriends always mostly change pple.
and i am luo suo and irritating abt tis issue.
i shant bother u with anything from now on,
thank YOU for listening to me in the past.
11:24 PM
