Friday, March 31, 2006
FUCK!!!!!!!!
i am SO DAMN FRUSTRated.
FUck it.
7:11 PM
Thursday, March 30, 2006
i feel so frustrated. so useless. i dont know wat i am for in the club. i dun even noe why i am a blardy fucking exco in the stupid club.
i don seem to do anything right, and when i want to do something right, i just cant seem to KNOW how to do it right. and i feel so damn blardy lonely n lost at times in the club, u can see lah. there are cliques eveywhere in e club... ya la.. sometimes i may b close to this person.. or that person.. or WHoever k.. but ... in actual fact .. i don tink they really take mi as a person, a fren they really care abt. i mean, at emergent times, can see one lor. i tink everyone noes the cliques in the club la. i dun haf to spell it out. i just feel so redundant in the club. why nt jus sack me. or let mi quit . seriously i felt like quitting b4... just feel so lost n lonely n useless a lot times in the club .. i mean ... yes i am in the pub team ... but haf u seriously seen mi do stuff for the pub team? no. seriously i tink other den gab who is always MIA-ing .. bern n sam haf been doing all the stuffs for pub. not me. mayb sometimes i jus help with some small stuffs.. and i really mean SMall stuffss. the oni good thing which i TINK i did was open house. and that wasnt even good enuff to me. i actually broke dwn on the last day. making everyone worry ...making more trouble for everyone... how vulnerable cld i be.. i just hated myself at tt time lor. lik why did i let myself let it happen. and now. orientation planning. im supposed to b a dip cord together wit thresa. but? i feel like im nt doing my job at all. i feel like im slacking away. everytime i wan to do someting to achieve someting... i just ... cant do it. i dont noe why. and i let others take my position in another way. i just feel so dumb. i just feel so mad n angry at myself. y am i so soft at times. i really wanna noe why. feel so stupid. im so redundant. others can do my job better den me. might as well let them do right. just let mi stand at a side. in silence. no one cares anyway.
11:28 PM
i feel so frustrated lah.
there is so many things i want to say lah.
but
i just dont know where to start from, how to start.
arghhh!!!!!
but i really want to apologise to those who i attitude-ed today just now...
sorry ...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
3:01 AM
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
nothing much to say abt today lah.. just that ... its been alil emo day ... nt the whole day.. at least for a part of the nite i guess.. had trial runs the whole day ... yes.. whole day .. aft lunch i wen to club rm.. head felt quite dizzy so wen bak to clubrm to slp..i was jus slping infrnt of the com.. and it was cher sitting infront of the com .. so i was slping behind her .. and .,. she was singing loudly away.. i swear i cld hear her singing in my dreams. duhhhs. woek up... did some props ... paper mesh.. guess dis is how its spelled. was fun n tiring bah.. dden dey ogls had debrief.. bla bla bla.. n at nite.. bobby was abt to do his '1 hr performance'...but he started a story abt us .. us as in ... our club lah. he just said straight wat we are really lik ... as in .. as a whole... and as i listened... its jus so true lor. i mean. yah lah. we all noe its true. btw. theree was oni like..less den 10 of us there listening to him . the rest... duno where they were lah. den he just said n said... we jus listened.. all solemned faces suddenly.. n .. its lik suddenly so emo la.. felt lik cryin while listening to him .. cus... it all seemed so true u noe.. like..the truth is just right in front of us all the whole time.. deep down we noe wats wrong .. and we just dun wanna face it ... dun wanna admit our mistakes... don wanna face the whole horrible true ..just continuing our stupid mistakes.. i duno hw to say lah.. dun wanna continue this stupid entry la.. i blief all of us noe wat im toking abt right now ... i mean .. nt oni us haf tis problem .. sure there is alot ppl out there haf this problem too .. haizzz.
1:13 AM
Saturday, March 25, 2006
oooh. so fast...
another week of the ogl orientation planning passed le ..
tofday nth much happened la ...
reach sch arnd 10plus.. den wen to mac to find sharon n cher for breakfast..
later tt .. went bak clubrm slack abit.. while watching finale set up their stage at lv6 ...
den accompanied cher to the club crawl meeting.. which lasted like... 10 mins?
duhhhhhh.
after which we bought some fruits n ate on e way bak to blk L...
watched the finale trial run ...
cher was soooooo obsessed with her 'king' ...
whenever he appeared on stage ...
she wld go crazy .. laughing to herself.. hahahAHAHAHA.
wan to noe who the 'king' is ?
guess !!
hhaha.
hmm. den was slacking ... helped out with our props..
peishan brought her curler to sch today.. haha...
so today was lik .. .alot of us girls did curls on our hair... turned out so hilarious..
wana actually is the main 'hairdresser' but cus of finale she had to go settle stuffs with them ..
den xavier bcame her assistant..hAHAha. he curled cher's hair...
o.O
after which he tried to curl my hair ...
haha.. looked soo funny..
went for debrief..
den had our diploma talk again ...
haiiiz. very sad abt this part is that.. our helpers nt enuff...
monday trial runs ...
like ... wth?!
total strength they haf is lik 22 .. but yet ... everyday turn up..less then 10.. where are the rest??not 1 day i see more then 10 ppl.. so disappointing..anyway.. aft tt ..
went bak to clubrm .. tis was where bobby tried to entertain us...
and yes.. he did ...
entertained us for lik arnd .. 45 mins?
were waiting for meeting to start... he so damn funny can ..
can tink of so many stupid things to entertain us with ...
and the best thing is..
he wun luff when he entertains us ...
he will haf tis serious n funny look ...
n the way he talks.. hahaah...
its so damn funny lor.. hahaha..
cant stop luffng when i tink of it manss..
keke..
had a short meeting.. n stayed at sch awhile more..
den go hm ler...
da rest went to S-11 to eat... mi n cher went home.. cus..
tml gt concert.. i don wan to stay out so late also in case tml gt thing happen to me again..
1:19 AM
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
yah lah..
got my results lah...
pass all .. except ... life sci .. yeah.. tt freraking life sci.
kind of expected lah.. so nt tt sad. but somehow.. still can feel the sadness inside.
haiz. den dunno nit to repeat sem anot.. cuz.. if i repeat life sci is 2nd sem .. den but my 2nd sem is attachment.. den lidt.. shit lo.. but rickson tell mi he took life sci in 1st sem..so mayb nx sem i can take life sci le.. i duno lehs.. haiiiz.
so mani problems.
12:38 AM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
i'm so BORED.
no one cares.
nothing to do.
i dont know what to do.
at clubroom now with two others.
most of them playing either bball or tennis dwnstairs.
finale having trial runs
the OGLS playing games .
where are the rest of the pple!?!
feel down.
feel sick.
i dont noe what to do.
it's 4.37pm now.
1.5 hrs more to debrief.
then what?
no one cares.
no one bothers.
feel so ... lonely.
4:32 PM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
the past wk been busy with the orientation planning thing with the new ogls ..
busy week ... morning 8plus mus reach sch liao .. at nite.. arnd 12 den reach hm .. really tired ...
-___-
finally the weekend is here .. haha ..but ... too tired n lazy to go anywhere lahss...
12:46 PM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
my mum n bro went to genting.
left mi n dad alone at hme.
they monday den come hme.
duhhhh.
tonite goin my aunt's place to stay.
yest had the longest meeting ever. 8.5 hrs
like WHOA.
haha.
1:25 PM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
camp eagle o6 finally over!
haha .. yeah...
so happy ..yet so sad ....
so mani tings to say.. but im so tired n lazy to type it all dwn ... i tink jus store it in my memories can le ..haha.. but to summarize it all ...
i tink my grp is really fantastic.. frm day1 till today.. they relly shown alot alot improvements in themselves.. jus feel so proud of them ...haha.
and the list goes on ...
gonna get reaL busy the nx few wks..
10:53 PM
Monday, March 06, 2006
wanted to blog.
but now dun feel like blogging le.
lazy.
tired.
BLEHS.
10:45 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
tml goin camp. blehs
went for band today and aft tt wen to queensway to buy sum stuffs.
kaiyan n zhiting went with me. hee
den came hme.
hmms.
the camp canot stay overnite.
but
they say mayb go andrew hse overnite.
cus some of us stay far mah. den very troublesome cus every morning nit to go bak sch early early.
dunno lehs.
wun b online tis few days!!
oh.
and johnson chua is goin ns this fri.
hA!
10:01 PM
Friday, March 03, 2006
argha!!!!!!
its like.. 1.58am ..
jus finish studying hci.
but not VERy sure ...
tink i am going it all thru once more!!
but i m veri huungry now...
should i eat??????
life's a dilemma.
1:58 AM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
oh ya.
tat reminds me.
i'm probably gonna flunk my software enginering.
frak that module.
mind was in a total BLANK jus now in the exam hall.
ARGHS!
1:48 AM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
acctually very happy, wanted to post a long entry one.
but jus checked my email, and saw tt camp eagle nw is a non stay over camp.
i mean. like whatthefuck!?
whats camp eagle without staying over ?
what the hell is wrong with the school ?
and bcus of this..
some of the yr1s r contemplating quitting camp eagle.
like.
duh? just bcus its nt stay over liao u wanna quit?
yah i admit it might nt be as fun as b4. but. hello? wats ur reason ? cus u canot stay out side home liao?
if tts ur reason for joining camp eagle. den sorry lor. i rather u NOT JOIN.
yes u heard me.
why isit our batch always so suay one.
tt time camp UP also like tt. now camp eaGLE.
shit man.
fuck the whole system.
8:16 PM
