Thursday, March 30, 2006
i feel so frustrated. so useless. i dont know wat i am for in the club. i dun even noe why i am a blardy fucking exco in the stupid club.
i don seem to do anything right, and when i want to do something right, i just cant seem to KNOW how to do it right. and i feel so damn blardy lonely n lost at times in the club, u can see lah. there are cliques eveywhere in e club... ya la.. sometimes i may b close to this person.. or that person.. or WHoever k.. but ... in actual fact .. i don tink they really take mi as a person, a fren they really care abt. i mean, at emergent times, can see one lor. i tink everyone noes the cliques in the club la. i dun haf to spell it out. i just feel so redundant in the club. why nt jus sack me. or let mi quit . seriously i felt like quitting b4... just feel so lost n lonely n useless a lot times in the club .. i mean ... yes i am in the pub team ... but haf u seriously seen mi do stuff for the pub team? no. seriously i tink other den gab who is always MIA-ing .. bern n sam haf been doing all the stuffs for pub. not me. mayb sometimes i jus help with some small stuffs.. and i really mean SMall stuffss. the oni good thing which i TINK i did was open house. and that wasnt even good enuff to me. i actually broke dwn on the last day. making everyone worry ...making more trouble for everyone... how vulnerable cld i be.. i just hated myself at tt time lor. lik why did i let myself let it happen. and now. orientation planning. im supposed to b a dip cord together wit thresa. but? i feel like im nt doing my job at all. i feel like im slacking away. everytime i wan to do someting to achieve someting... i just ... cant do it. i dont noe why. and i let others take my position in another way. i just feel so dumb. i just feel so mad n angry at myself. y am i so soft at times. i really wanna noe why. feel so stupid. im so redundant. others can do my job better den me. might as well let them do right. just let mi stand at a side. in silence. no one cares anyway.
11:28 PM
