Sunday, October 09, 2005
had band prac. jus came home frm it. n today sucked totally. first, we had an irritating conductor whu thought he was so great. he jus dam irritating. n zi yi wei shi. yes i noe im nt the best player there.. nt as good as tt blardy hell conductor. but he was ... argh. jus irritable and idiotic. man. how i really hate him. conducted oregon. gave hell lots of comments, shouting here n there thruout the whole music as n when he like. does he noe doing tt will affect us. distracting us ? goddamned him. yeh , dl dint come today n so beatrice played with mi. was such a disaster. cus the BEST CLARINET PLAYER wasnt here today. yeh. so 1st totally flopped today. i took in most of the solo parts n sucked totally. why? cus i was too soft. cldnt b heard. cus i dunno for watever fucking reason, my clarinet decided not to cooperate with mi today. when i wanted sound, it dint give mi wat i wanted. my high notes were hell of a haywire. wat a hell of a good day. yah. laugh all u want. i noe some ppl were laughing at mi. bhind my back. laugh. i was so damn..duno. was going crazy. i noe im nt a veri good player, although i'v had like almost 10 yrs of xperience. but . wat do u xpect of me? since young, i've nv been given solo parts. i've nv been expected to play loud. (or maybe i was , but i forgot. ) when i wanted to play solo parts, some ppl wld steal it away from me so knowingly. laughing in their minds. cruelly. evilly. fine. i kept quiet. and so i kept quiet for yrs.. little wonder its soon becoming 10 yrs. i was nv given the chance. SO WAT THE FUCKING HELL u tink u HAf the rIGHt TO EXPeCT frm me? some ppl mus b tinking im going bonkers as i write tis entry right nw. yeh. maybe. sum ppl might b tinking im blowing things out of proportion. yah. all i wanna say is : WHATEVER. whatever u wanna tink k? b4 u openeed ur mouth to criticise others, did u ever tink how tt person might feel aft hearing ur criticism? yes ? no? i hella dunno. u might tink u r so damn powerfully great. so what if u r. if u r just shut up. no one wld sae u r a dumb hu cant tok. k? music is evil. cruel. but it can b beautiful as well. as long as one noes how to handle it.
disclaimer: nt pointing anyone in particular in here
7:02 PM
